Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
