we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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