well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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