its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
