I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
