Buhtt sex?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize