What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
