dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
