I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
