I got chris browned last night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
