I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
