I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
