Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
