Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I will die if light touches me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
