3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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