I faked an abortion last night.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
