I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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