you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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