I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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