last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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