whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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