I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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