watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
