I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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