Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
