New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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