When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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