I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
