I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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