she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
