Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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