I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize