it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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