Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
