They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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