Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
