And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just high enough for therapy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
