My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
