And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
