im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize