So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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