You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
