hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
