i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
