you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
false alarm, still single
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
