I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
