walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Holy sore nipples Batman
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize