alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
