No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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