Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
