We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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