if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
