I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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