Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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