So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
