I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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