She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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