I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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