Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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