someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
