dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
