I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize