she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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