Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
