You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
