i think my tv is drunk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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