i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
