WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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