I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
